Thursday, June 3, 2010

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

Where and when did we lose our sense of  caring for our fellow man?  How did we come to the point that all we seem to care about is "What's in it for me?"  I long for and miss the days of my youth.  Yeah, I'm old enough to remember them but those times have faded quickly.   I fear that those days are just a memory that some of us  haven't given up on quite yet. We seem to have lost it somewhere.  Always worried about ourselves and what is in front of us at this moment.  People don't stop and think about others anymore.  It seems to be a "quaint" idea these days.

The idea of helping out our fellow man in this struggle we call life appears to be a distant memory.  In the mind of a vast majority of the people in these modern times caring for anyone other than yourself  is more a novelty than an actual thing that happens.  Caring used to be a part of our nature as human beings.  There was a time in the not so distant past that if a neighbor  was in need, his community could and would gladly step up and come to his door and offer a hand. When you would, without a second thought, share the bounties of your garden or your kitchen or your labor.  Not one thought of what's in it for me or I don't have time for this or screw them...let them take care of it their selves.

Back when when you had a good day with your chickens having a "good laying day" nothing was thought about sending one of the kids over to the neighbors with a few extra eggs just because they might not have had such a spectacular day in the hen house.  Or sending that scruffy kid from across the street home with a dozen cookies because he/she helped you haul in the laundry from the line just before the the bottom fell out of the sky.

Back then if you knew your neighbor was struggling to put clothes on that kid that just seemed to keep growing out of his pants, you went through your closets just to see if there might be something that might fit those long legs that had a summer growth spurt.  You didn't think twice about it.. you just did it.
If you were headed off to town you actually thought about it.  You asked your neighbor if there might be something they needed from town while you were there since you were going to be there anyway.  Or  even offered a ride  in case they might have some errands that you might not be able to do for them.

If your friend down the road was having a tough time making Wednesday stretch into that Friday paycheck you didn't think twice about inviting them over for dinner.  And then you would send them home with those leftovers because "you just don't have anyplace for them".  Ya might be able to make a couple of lunches out of it... and I just don't have the room in the fridge.

If you needed a hand with canning all those extra tomato's or beans it was no problem... your neighbor would just step up to the plate and because she knew that if she was in a bind you would do the same for her even if neither of you ever asked.

I fear we have lost most all of these "values" in the troubled times we live in.  We are all so worried about "us" that we have lost the very fabric that once held us together.  Face it. Most of us can't even say that we know our neighbors..much less their kids names.  We are too involved with "us" to look beyond our own front yards.
I had a dream last night about a dear friend that passed away two years ago in August.  All the dream was about was one little flash... he passed by my front door, looked in, and asked ... Ya need a hand with that?


  1. AWESOME AMAZING POST!! This is so true. I long for living in an area where people care about eachother. Seems now that is only in old TV shows or movies. I miss those days, when people cared, and weren't always so darn busy doing nothing important!

  2. I remember those days as well. A good source that explains what has happened is in the book Marketing of Evil: How Radicals, Elitists, and Pseudo-Experts Sell Us Corruption Disguised As Freedom
    ~ David Kupelian

    Another excellent study I attended is The Truth Project that was an eye opener as well

  3. I've learned that you practice what you watched growing up all your life. I grew up where payment for helping the neighbor was a can of beer and maybe a free dinner under the shade of the trees in summer cooked on the BBQ. I watch adults raise children today and what I see today is not what I was taught or watched happen when I was growing up.

  4. Great post! and sadly it's so true. We try to help our neighbors and friends, but many look at us like we're nuts or something.

    Another point is that there are some people who WILL take advantage of you if you aren't careful. With us trying to be a good friend and neighbor has burned us out, why you might ask, because it is never reciprocated and I mean never.
    So.... as always, there are two sides to everything*wink* Does this mean we stop living the way we believe is right? No, but we are more careful not be become used.

  5. Well I guess that's just another way we are truly blessed then.

    : )

  6. I feel very lucky to have the kind of neighborhood you mention where we look out for each other. I don't know if any of my neighbors would come to my rescue if I were stranded out in the middle of nowhere in a ditch, but I know if I needed anything, and they had it, they'd let us use it ;). It's a good feeling.

  7. Great post. I to miss those days.

    See Ya.

  8. I remember those days too. :)
    Getting the cows in for milking for the neighboring farm every morning.
    Helping the neighbors getting the potatoes harvest in.
    My father repairing a mans shipping vessel.
    Nowadays I'm just about in tears when some stranger hands me a helping is just so rare anymore.
    Don't people realize that giving someone a hand actually makes you feel good? ...or is it just me?

  9. Ok, I'll comment now, since you know I read this last night and didn't say anything. :)

    First off, I need to say this is an excellent post, my friend! It got me a little teary eyed, especially the part about your dream.

    Where I live now, it is small enough that everybody knows everybody else and who they are related too. Sometimes that's good, sometimes I dunno LOL!

    I tend to agree with CntryJewell, we learn by example. I was always taught to help out when I could with what I could. So to this day, I still try to be that way.

    As far as the neighbors, I know must of their real names and if I don't I make up names for them. :D

    I think I know of a few friends that would without question give a helping hand if they could and if I/we needed it. ;)

    Thanks Sci, for just being you :)

  10. Amazing post that should take us all back to reassess things. I pray that we can go back a bit before we all forget the beauty of life is having others in it...


  11. It died with cable TV. It died with 30 year mortgages. It died with working mothers. It died with political correctness. It died with Nintendo. It died with unlimited nationwide calling plans. Which spawned from the "global economy" that seperated families and communities. It died with Wal Mart. It died with malls. It died with air conditioning. It died with all the gadgets that were born of technology.... Modern "life" isn't life at all. And ain't it ironic how some of the strongest communities out there are now facilitated by computers and the internet. Relative strangers separated by hundreds, if not thousands of miles, who've never met one another, are closer to each other than our own neighbors. I haven't seen my neighbor across the street in months, yet I chat with you at least weekly (not that that's a bad thing!). But it is a stark example of just how disconnected all this connectivity has made us. It shows how our lifestyle has really degraded in the last few decades, even as society has made so much "progress". Well, progress toward a cliff is not progress at all. Some would call that suicide...

  12. I guess I should count myself lucky that I don't experience life like this. I won't say that I have those kinds of friends who know the deep dark secrets of my soul these days - at least not close by - because we moved off and left almost everyone, and then my best friend moved away last year. But I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who thinks selfishly like this, whether its friends, family or co-workers. Even our neighbors in Houston were helpful in both the neighborhoods where we lived, and we were likewise. I miss some of the folks and friends who've already passed, but other than that, I don't miss the old days one bit. Like I said before, I guess I should remember more often how lucky I am.

  13. Were we live, people do help people. Although more and more there are people who expect to be helped. They don't help themselves. They want to be taken care of. Those are the people that I don't want to help.

  14. Yes, we know what if feels like to be deceived and used. There are people out there that do not do what they say or agree to. A persons word used to mean something. People in general will be lazy and let other do the hard things in life for them.

    On the other hand, we have found since we have been here in Oklahoma we have many great friendships and neighbors that are like we are and will help at the drop of a hat. For the most part we have found Oklahoman's at least in our neck of the woods to be great neighbors!


    I totale

  15. I grew up in a neighborhood like this though we were considered the outsiders because my parents weren't born there. Today I wouldn't recognize that neighborhood and the old families have become more clannish.

    We've now been here a year and two neighbors have visited; one full time resident who was drunk and one summer resident who's grateful she doesn't live here year round. Several of them wave if we meet on the road; one has our phone number and most are still miffed over our fence.

    It took my parents five or more years to be accepted into their neighborhood so I'm not expecting anything for another few years.

    When one neighbor had a small fire last winter we stopped by to ask if there was anything he needed. He was dumbfounded and later told another neighbor we were probably trying to discover what he had stored in his shed!

    When you move into a tigh knit community where "nothing has ever changed" and then bring "change" to the place, it raises their defenses even higher.

    But, we carry on, thankful that we're here and not in the city.