I would like to share a letter I received from a dear friend. She tells some of the best stories. All are told with an honesty that I personally admire. So I asked her if she would write something to share here. The following is the letter (and the story) she shared with me. I haven't changed any spelling, punctuation or content because I felt that doing so would "tarnish" this loving missive to her father.
Now mind you, me and my mama were never really close when I was growin' up. She ruled the roost and was the Boss- Nobody ever messes with my mama. Nobody. Grandaddy called her "The Judge".
When she said somethin' she meant bidness. She's a good fair honest woman, She just didn't know how to love. I think it was somethin' stemmin' from her childhood. She was raised like that in real hard times. You had to walk the line.
I always wondered if she really loved me cause so many times she'd say "I'd rather be at work than home with you darn kids." And she meant it. She was a professional woman, a nurse, and the best one in town. She loved what she did and they loved her. She just wasn't domesticated if ya know what I mean. Don't remember her ever washing dishes.
But life was good. Very simple and honest, But we made it. I know she loved me. She just didn't know how to show it.
As years went by my little Daddy did too. Now mind you , he was my heart. The very first man to ever hold me in his arms and tell me he loved me. I loved my Daddy. We could talk to each other without saying a word. It's true, when we looked at each other we knew what the other was thinking. So close we were.
When my Daddy got sick I worked during the day and stayed up with him at night taking care of him. My own family was put on hold for years so I could. They understood how I am and how much I loved him.
I'd crawl up in the bed with him and hold him, and sing to him and hold his hand. Watching Daddy suffer was the hardest thing I ever had to go through.I clung to him like white on rice. He was mine... that was my Daddy. Never in my life have I met a sweeter man. He was a war vet and that caused him much heartache in his life. When he first got sick he stayed with us and loved it here. He was so happy. Him and my husband would watch TV together. Daddy would pat my husband on the hand. You couldn't walk past him he didn't pat you somewhere.
Now mind you I was a normal kid .who I admit. needed a good whoopin' every now and then. I'll admit it, but Daddy only whooped me one time in my life. He said somethin' to me, and I was at that smarty pants age then. Honey, I put my hands on my hips in the yard and went ya ya ya ya ya...
Well....... in that instant I realized what I just did- And I took off runnin'. Bout halfway around the house he caught me. Don't you EVER run away from me. At that instant I was so sorry. Oh Daddy, I never wanted to run away from you, I always wanted to run TO YOU. You were my heart.
Oh, I didn't tell ya about mama coming up here stealing my Daddy from me cause she was mad did I? Yep, one day I had 2 Drs. appointments and she came and stole my daddy and took him back home. She didn't want my Daddy. She wanted to hurt me, and she did. Took me two weeks to get up the nerve to go see him cause I didn't want to deal with her- didn't speak to her for a long time after that. Daddy could not talk from the strokes, but when I got there and sat down in front of him he said just as plain as day - "What took you so long?" The whole house was in shock. I told him "Oh Daddy I didn't want this, she stole you from me. " And I had to leave him there cause she was the boss.
As Father's day approaches I think about all this and try to put feelings to paper. Maybe it will help me. I do appreciate her for quitting her job to care for Daddy. She didn't want to, and it really affected them, money-wise but she did it. She really DID.
I personally would have done alot different in his care, but she was his wife.
Now she is the one being cared for by me and I try hard everyday to show her what love is. And I know she misses him even thought she didn't show it, cause that's when mama started going down, after Daddy died.
When the sweetest man in the world leaves here and goes back to heaven things are never the same again. I've cried and cried and cried..
Been through alot cause I couldn't give him up - He was mine- How dare death snatch him away from me, I hate the devil.
I used to pack me a little picnic lunch and a blanket and go to the cemetery to talk to him. When I say I couldn't give him up I mean it, it was real hard that the death thief stole my daddy.
As time went on I became a little better and got stronger. But not being able to just bury my nose in Daddy and smell him is tough - Or not hearing his voice...
I wait on the phone to ring and hear him say "Hey Miss Burr". He named me Miss Burr and that's another story, I'll just give you a clue... I got bad hair and am real tender headed. When mama would snatch it and brush it and almost pull me bald headed, he calmed me just by looking at me through my tears and say "Hey Miss Burr".
Man I LOVE my Daddy.
So Daddy - I told you it was okay if you have to go cause you was hurtin' so bad. I told you I would find you where ever you are, and I will do that. Just as soon as I get there I'm lookin' for you . I can't wait to see you again and hug and smell you and hear your voice. I know just what you are gonna say....
"Hey Miss Burr!!" Oh Happy Day!
written by MissBurr
I just want to add a little something here. MissBurr now takes care of her mother in a hospice situation in her own home. She tries every day to show her mother the love that she feels for her. I just hope that each of us remembers just how special our own parent's are... Today and every day.
~~~~~ Hey ... I'm Just Sayin' ... ~~~~~