Resume

I read this in Reader's Digest and thought it was pretty funny.  Unfortunately, it is also a sad comment on the educational system and what it has been producing.  Yet another case for homeschooling.  Or McDonald's employee of the month.

                                          RESUME

OBJECTIVES
"Assertive,self-motivated, and goal-oriented individual seeks a position that utilizes my computer training and experience and/or bartending skills."


EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
Last Job: "Restaurant manager, Cleaned and supervised employees."
Job Before That: "CFO for a wholesaler of women's slacks.  We also sold men's bottoms."
And The Job Before That:  "I work in the store's men's department, stalking shirts and pants."
And Before That:  "Bum.  Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
First Job:  "Administrative professional, I coordinate meetings, make travel arrangements and assist security staff with badgering."


REFERENCES
"Scott"
"My girlfriend"
"None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."


SKILLS
"Fluent iN both English and Spinach"
"Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory."
"I can type without lookingatthekeyboard."
"The ability to use short bursts of muscle force to propel myself-as in jumping or sprinting or throwing and object."
"Able to whistle while pretending to drink water at the same time."


INTERESTS
"Gossiping"
"Michael Bolton"


EDUCATION
"Moron University"
"Attended collage courses"
Academic achievement:  "Recieved the Smith Schlorship Award."



source" resumania.com